I posted this early on, but am thinking I should post it again. We've had some of these "insensitive" comments thrown our way lately and I felt the need to express that these are things NOT to be said. Not things you should be saying! :)
I'd love to see a list of snappy comebacks for these comments too. Any suggestions out there?! The ones I can come up with are too inappropriate. :)
Things that are NOT to be Said to People Who Adopt:
1. How much did she/he cost?
2. Why did you go and adopt--couldn't you have your "own" child?
3. Did you buy that baby?
4. Maybe now that you adopted, you'll have "your own" child. (will the one we adopt belong to someone else??)
5. She/He looks nothing like either of you.
6. What are you going to do when she/he looks for their birthparent?
7. Do you know her/his "real" parents? (What will we be? The fake parents?)
8. I sure hope he/she fits into your family!
9. Why didn't his/her real mom want him/her?
10. Don't even tell him/her they are adopted, they'll never know.
11. Too bad you had to adopt!
12. Whose fault is it you can't get pregnant?
13. You're doing these kids such a favor.
14. S/he is so lucky to have your family instead of his/her own.
15. An older child is damaged goods .
16. She's your daughter?
17. What about your own kids? What do they think about this?
18. She might come from a cursed background.
19. What are you going to do when you have kids of your own?
20. Do you think you love them as much as you could love your real kids?
21. You got kids the easy way you never even had to be pregnant.
22. What if the real parents come back and kidnap them?
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7 comments:
Yes, I have snappy combacks too! (He cost us everything, just like our other too. How much did yours cost?) I have never heard the "come back and kidnap them" comment, LOL congratulations on having a first!
UGH! I hate these! The only comeback I have is for number 13 -"Oh no! These kids are doing US the favor."
Thankfully the worst one I've had lately was from someone who was looking at a picture of the four kids together and they asked, 'Now are any of these brother and sister?!'
I just smiled and said, 'Yes. All four of them. Oh, did you mean biological?!' ;>)
Yup, these things are better left unsaid.
Obviously, any one who can make these type of comments are truly insensitive to couples wanting to be parents. To have the opportunity to love and raise a child. The heck with them. With comments like these, they really don't know the meaning of "family" or "friend". Personally, I CAN'T WAIT FOR A NEW ADDITION TO THE FAMILY! Congradulations! Hugs and Kisses to you both.
Hi Susan,
I just smile, it takes a lot less effort on my part. I find that most times, it just a matter of ignorance and don't think there is any evil behind it. I find it much worse when friends and family who are really interest have to keep hearing the same answer "nothing new, still waiting for (whatever)".
Glad to hear your dossier is over there being translated. Another big step behind you. For those who haven't been through the process, I find they have a hard time understanding what these milestones really mean to us.
On a last note, we recently got submitted. We still need to find some time to chat on the phone, sooner than later.
Cheers.
How about:
So when they are 18 are you going to send them back to Russia?
(My 80 year old grouchy neighbor) :)
When people ask what they cost?
I say, "Children ALL Children, cost EVERYTHING....and they are worth EVERYTHING....
We were cornered for adopting "older Children" I heard it coming from this one "wise" woman.... "you don't know what you are doing? Do you know what "those" kids ar like?"
Hmmmm. I looked her into the eye and said, "and God can't change the heart of an adult who is broken, he cannot change the alcoholic, he cannot help the widow in her deepest need, how in the world can he reach a 5 year old?
and I walked away.
She apologized 2 years later. :)
u 2 go 4 it. I love ya both Do not listen to any of this crap. Nor should anyone adopting. Keep me informed and I will take care of Venus and Tristen while u r gone.
DAD from Peoria.....
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